My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
