It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
