you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
