I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
