I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
