man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Randomize
