I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
