Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
