dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
