Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
