I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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