We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
