Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize