I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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