i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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