So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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