fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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