I want to walk on stilts...naked
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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