Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
