hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
