Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
