Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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