Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
