so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
