To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize