I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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