your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i now understand why vodka
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize