In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
