Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
