Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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