Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
