Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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