so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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