Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
