I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
