areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
