its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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