Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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