maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize