we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
