I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am spending my child support on dildos
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
