i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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