Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
false alarm. still invincible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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