I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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