Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
