just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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