Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
