Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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