Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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