You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
