I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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