If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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