that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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