I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
