A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
