His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
