38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
