he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
