I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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