I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
