And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
