Is it normal to miss your booty call?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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