You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
