Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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