she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
