that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
