wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
