I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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