its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
