The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
