how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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