Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
