dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
