Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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