I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
