Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
