my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
